During my runs, I often listen to various podcasts. The last few weeks, I’ve been listening to the TED Radio Hour podcasts, which have not only given me a wealth of information for my coaching practice, but have caused me to reflect on some aspects of my own life. Yesterday’s topic was one of those. The topic was “Spoken and Unspoken” – how language has evolved (and is evolving), and how we communicate with each other. The guest that really “spoke” to me (pun intended) was Phuc Tran – son of a Vietnamese refugee from Saigon who grew up caught between 2 languages. He spoke of how his parents, who spoke Vietnamese, did not understand the English subjunctive mood, because Vietnamese language lacked the subjunctive mood.
As a refresher for those of you who might be saying, “What is the subjunctive mood?”, you may recall that we have 3 moods in the English language:
- Indicative – facts, events, actions (I am writing a blog article.)
- Imperative – commands (Read this article!)
- Subjunctive – used to express what might happen (It might rain today. -OR- I should finish this article.)
So circling back to Phuc Tran’s TED speech, he spoke of how his father didn’t understand talk of what might have been, or what should be (subjunctive) – he only looked at facts and moved forward based on those facts (indicative). Phuc talked about embracing the present – or even the past – instead of living so much in the what might have been or what might be. Being a self-proclaimed “geek”, Phuc compared the subjunctive to “the Force” from Star Wars – a power that can be good, but can also have a dark side when used for the wrong reasons.
You can see his speech here:
His speech got me thinking about all of the times I got stuck in the subjunctive:
- When relationships didn’t end well, and I would think, “What could I have done differently?”
- When I didn’t land a job or entertainment gig I desperately wanted, and I would think, “If only I would have…”
- When I got pre-eclampsia and lost my baby girl, and I thought, “Maybe if I would have…”
How many times do you get stuck in the subjunctive? And why do we get so hung up on what *might* have been? We get so focused on looking behind us that we fail to see what is right in front of us. And we are so crippled by the future of what might be that we fail to act at all.
I think it is interesting to note that the subjunctive mood is called an irrealis mood – that is, NOT REAL. Indicative, on the other hand, is a realis mood – what IS real. Why do we spend so much time in this subjunctive mood that Wikipedia describes as “used to express various states of unreality such as wish, emotion, possibility…or action that has not yet occurred”? We cannot change the past, and we can never be certain of what the future holds. What is certain is the present. By looking at the facts of your present state, you can begin to create whatever future you want. Sure, some things are out of our control – but then, if we can’t control them, why do we try so hard to do exactly that?
So what are the facts of your present state? And how can you begin to create a new future – a more positive one – because you are taking into account what is right in front of you instead of what might have been? Most importantly, what if you started talking about your future in a more indicative mood instead of a subjunctive one?
- With relationships: “I am stronger now because of what I went through, and I will make better choices going forward.”
- With missed opportunities: “I gave my best. That just wasn’t the right opportunity. I will find a better opportunity.”
- With tragedies beyond our control: “That happened. I am sad, but I am thankful for what I do have.”
We cannot let what might be define who we are. Embrace your present, and move forward knowing that you can write a new story that celebrates who you are right now – leaving just enough room for the creative, “good” side of the subjunctive that will propel you towards an even better you. It is imperative for you to “Go Forth and Prosper!”