As a Life Coach, I have so many potential clients come to me to find “purpose” for their lives – what they are supposed to do to find happiness and balance while also making a difference in this world. In fact, that is why the self-help industry exists, because so many are unhappy with where they are at this moment in life. And I “get” it, because I’ve been there time and time again myself. I’ve been unhappy with my weight, or my job, or where I live, or the amount of friends I have.
But somewhere along my journey – somewhere just after bankruptcy and being laid off for the second time due to the recession, but just before my mom’s unexpected and tragic death – I realized that these events are somewhat out of my hands. Sure, I can make choices that can change certain outcomes, but ultimately there is a force greater than me that decides how things will unfold. For me, that force is God. For others it might be “the universe” or nature or Allah. Even if you don’t believe in a Higher Power such as God, it would be hard to argue that there is not some “force” at work in our lives. Even Star Wars recognizes “the Force”!
Now, I have been aware of the concept that “it is out of my hands” since I was a small child. As a worrisome child who struggled with panic attacks, my mom would fuss at me all the time about letting go of worry. And at church, we were told over and over that “God is in control”. Logically, it made sense. But I could not reconcile it with my heart’s desires and my need to control things around me. 
As event after event unfolded in this past decade, I think I honestly reached a point where I wanted to just give up. Clearly nothing that I was doing was working, so what was the point? And it was in that moment of time that I finally got it! That’s just it – it truly is out of my hands! And with that thought came a weird sort of peace, because I DIDN’T have to worry anymore – what will be, will be (que sera sera, right?).
OK, so now what? And that’s when I began to wrestle with PURPOSE. If I am not meant to worry about things and control things, then what is my purpose on this earth? What am I supposed to be doing with my time? What gifts and talents am I not using to their fullest? How can I give back to this world?
During this journey, I came across the Color Code. On the surface, it just seemed like a fun way to interpret the behaviors of those around you. But as I dug a little deeper, I discovered that the roots of it extend much further; the Color Code moves beyond behaviors to things like motive and innate gifts – and service to others. Having already stumbled into work on Servant Leadership, it just began to “click” and make so much sense. Through the Color Code, I have been able to honor my innate gifts and talents – and ultimately my purpose (which by the way, is to share Service and Quality with those around me; I’m a Blue). Suddenly I realized that a job title doesn’t matter – as long as I am fulfilling that role with the purpose in which my unique personality was created. However, I spent a majority of my life seeking things in which I was NOT designed for, namely Leadership (which is the gift of my secondary color, Red). While I possess some innate Leadership skills, I found when looking back at my life that I was the most unhappy in times when I was a “manager” or “director” of some type. Likewise, I was happiest in the moments when I could just be a strong team member – maybe with some leadership responsibility, but not THE leader of the group.
What a revelation! I am not supposed to be a “manager”! In the months since I stepped away from my last “manager” role, I have felt the most peace and balance that I have felt in YEARS – possibly decades (and yes, I’ve been alive long enough to say that). And once I was able to “own” that and honor what I am meant to do, I began to naturally behave more true to my color (instead of acting in colors not innate to me, which has caused many a conflict in my life).
But this is just the beginning. Because I still did most of this without a close relationship with God. Once upon a time, I was a very devout Christian – attending church regularly, getting involved in church activities, and not ashamed to proclaim my Christianity. But somewhere along the way, I lost that relationship – to the point that I stopped praying or communicating at all with God by the time He took my precious baby away. In looking back, though, I can also see that I began to lose that relationship when I began to serve my “dirty” motives of wanting to be liked/loved, seeking an “important” career, and finding a husband. It should not then be at all surprising to find that, as I began to clean my motives to serve those around me, my relationship with God began to naturally take shape again.
And so it is in this moment that I begin this journey of “40 Days of Purpose” – the point where I have accepted who I am and what I have to offer, the stage of life where I serve others with no strings attached, and the season where I focus on giving back to this earth. While my journey these past couple of years has been amazing – full of nuggets of wisdom and discovery – I hope to find even more focus with my purpose in these next 40 days.
In the audio provided online, Pastor Rick talked about King Hezekiah and how he bargained with God for 15 more years of life when faced with a terminal illness. The question was posed, “What will you do with these 15 years?” Indeed! If you were faced with the fact that you had exactly 15 years left on this earth, how would you choose to spend your time? What legacy will you leave? How would that information (knowing you have only 15 years left) change how you prioritize your time?
And so today, I leave you with this question:
